Today on February 14, every year, people all around the world express their affection and love for each other in greetings and gifts as it is Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s Day has origins in the Roman festival of Lupercalia, held in midFebruary.
The festival, which celebrated the coming of spring, included fertility rites and the pairing off of women with men by lottery.
The festival of Lupercalia was forbidden in the 5th Century by Pope Helasius I and was replaced with St Valentine’s Day.
The celebration of Valentine’s Day began in the 14th century and has continued to be an event that celebrates love and its journey.
In Fiji it is also a special day when loved one’s exchange all sorts of gifts, roses and chocolates to express their love for each other.
To the Khan’s, the journey of love is about families and values and that things can work if two people love each other enough. In their many years or marriage, they’ve seen rapid changes in family life and family structures.
This has caused major issues in all cultures and religions. The challenge of change, from the emphasis on traditional structures and norms, to a more liberal importance on the quality of relationships, is of concern to all.
The couple believe that healthy relationships make stronger families, that contribute to stronger communities which in turn brings about a resilient nation.
The Fiji Times advertising features reporter Rusiate Vunirewa speaks with Pearce Home Trust chairman and former Fiji Council of Social Services (FCOSS) director Mohammed Hassan Khan and his good wife Anne about their journey of love over 54 years together.
Times: Please tell us a little about your family?
Mr Khan: Our family background is very rich in numbers as I have seven brothers and five sisters and Anne has four sisters and three brothers. My parents were both Fiji born girmitiya, while Anne’s mother is an indigenous Fijian from Korowiri Village in Macuata and her father was from China. We have been blessed with three loving daughters and one granddaughter.
Times: How did you and Mrs Khan meet and what keeps you together?
Mr Khan: We have been married for 54 years and six months and we had known each other for about two years before marriage. I was posted to Labasa Hospital, X-ray Department, after being one of the first students to obtain a Certificate in Radiography from the Fiji School of Medicine in 1963. Anne worked with the Bank of New Zealand, Labasa Branch where we met in 1966 and married in August 1968 in a very simple civil ceremony and private Muslim Nikah ceremony at the Vunimoli Masjid. It was there she also accepted Islam as her religion, so we could have a stable relationship and for the future of our children.
Times: Mixed marriages are hard … what were some challenges that you faced early on in your relationship and later during your marriage and how did you work things around it to remain together 54 years later?
Mr Khan: The initial challenge for us was to be accepted by both our families because we were from vastly different cultures, religions and localities. This gave us a reason to make our relationship work. However, as both of us were of moderate habits and expectations, we respected the families and remained patient at all times. Perhaps, the biggest challenge of ours was to make a success of our marriage because of the many odds from both families that were rightly concerned about religion, race, habits, and expectations. For Anne, it was about a switch from the delicious kai-Viti and Chinese foods to the daily roti/ curry routine. But being wellversed in the Hindustani language (Labasa dialect), adaptation of mother-in-law’s dishes were easy and that at the same time, she brought the Leewai foods into the Khan extended family. The lolo fish with tavioka and chicken chow mein became the new favourite dishes at all the Khan’s family functions. So much for winning hearts through the stomach and all is delicious with love and food. Anne also quickly mastered the art of Muslim cooking by being with my mother in the kitchen. My side of the family loves her kheer and sawai the two popular Muslim Eid festival sweet dishes. However, in retirement we compete with each other in making fancy food dishes to impress our children and their spouses, but the granddaughter, Laila, says that her nani (grandmother) is the best cook and person in the world. Anne has been involved with the Suva Muslim Women’s League since 1999, and is able to read the Holy Quran in Arabic and is fully versed in the Islamic religion. She served in various capacities like honorary treasurer, secretary and has been the president for the last 10 years.
Times: What do you do to keep your relationship healthy or to maintain that love and affection throughout your journey as a couple?
Mr Khan: Not having too much high expectations has helped us overcome problems with patience and prayers. We always appreciate and value what we are given or whatever we had, whether big or small. To us, love is not all about how much we have, but it is all about how much we share and care through the little we have. We also found that remembering God at all times, and thanking Him for whatever blessings that has come our way helps us maintain family harmony. We always tried to do the best for our children in every way possible and also our children have always been there for us at all times and more so in our retirement years.
Times: What are some lessons about life learnt over the years you would like to share with our readers to help them in their own circles of love?
Mr Khan: Perhaps, the main point that needs sharing is the fact that our children grew up in a multicultural environment and lived and experienced mixed rich cultural norms and appreciated the relatives of diverse backgrounds. We have learnt the importance of richness in diversity, of appreciating cultures as well as respecting traditional and religious values. These experiences taught us that romance and love thrives on sharing, caring and appreciating every member of our immediate and extended family system. The importance of listening and remaining connected with relatives and friends is also very rewarding. Being mindful of the well-being and wellness of the extended family, relatives and those who are less fortunate, contributed to our stability and health in old age. Voluntary community and social services work in retirement is God’s blessing for us and our children.
Times: What is your advice to young lovers and couples in general to make their relationships work or to keep the flame burning not just on Valentine’s Day!
Mr Khan: The 54 years of togetherness is about relationships that work and in our humble opinion happy union for couples could blossom based on the following factors:
- They love and respect each other for God’s sake;
- They are grateful for each other in sharing and caring;
- They communicate like best friends;
- They sense each other’s stress and are patient;
- They never lose focus of each other’s primary needs;
- They are the comfort of each other’s eyes;
- They make each other bloom, flourish and smile;
- They make time for each other – no matter what;
- They fight the real enemies: ego, evil eye and forces of evil; and
- They are conscious of God in conflict.
Times: What are some thoughts you would like to share with other couples as they try to make things work out for them and their families.
Mr Khan: There isn’t a single marriage where there isn’t any conflict or disagreement of some sort or degree. It is only the way in which conflicts are managed that distinguishes the health of one marriage from the other. Of all the ways to manage and minimise marital conflict, the most powerful way is remembering that God is watching our every single move and expression, and hearing our every single word. And it is all being recorded for a day when He will be the judge. Bringing this to mind during conflict helps us refrain from giving in to our lower selves and the whispers of evil spirits in the heat of the moment, and saves the marriage from a lot of irreversible, long-term damage. The basis of all families, undoubtedly, is the institution of marriage. In the Islamic model, the marriage consists of a husband and a wife. In broad terms, marriage is the commitment of two individuals towards each other and their children to live and work together to meet and support each other’s needs in the way that they see fit. What needs they meet vary as well, from person to person, and family to family. The marriage bond must sustain the weight of fulfilling first their own obligations toward each other. This is the priority. The marriage must also be strong enough to hold the responsibility of raising the kids, and then the extended family. Many people only remember God when they have problems and once their problems are solved, they don’t take time, to thank Him or remain close to Him. We pray that God keeps us well through His blessings and we ask for forgiveness if we have wronged anyone in any way. A happy Valentine’s Day to all our readers and families.
