A bounty of birthdays

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On her recent birthday, the writer received a suspiciously festive collection of things at her spot at the table. Picture:WWW.GEEKMONKEY.IN

June is a month of birthdays in our household and its not a good idea to forget any of them.

If you miss one it would possibly be wisest to forget the lot of them and blame it on a virus of some sort. Goodness knows there are enough various viruses floating about.

My personal anniversary was first off the block where I am staying briefly in Sydney with my younger daughter, known as Cuddles the Thug.

I was up early due to trying to catch a glimpse of her before she rushes off to what is apparently a whizz bang job, seemingly vital to the rest of humanity.

She doesn’t reappear until well after dark in this wintry spot. On my birthday there was a suspiciously festive collection of things wrapped in colourful Australian Aboriginal deign fabric at my spot at the table.

I don’t need urging for any sort of unwrapping activity, so plunged into a pile of fascinating gifts that appear to have been purchased at a Bulgarian army surplus store.

Except for the earrings from the Darkest Flagstaff family gang. Don’t see them as regulation gear for female sergeants major in any army. A hot favourite is the Amazing Six in One Pen Tool.

This little gem comes in its own metal pencil box with a list of functions. These include a storage space for screwdriver bits and screwdriver heads that include flat and star, a built-in spirit level and a ruler (in inches) down one side as well as some functions I don’t really understand.

The mind boggles as to what uses such a pen could be put. Its not as subtle and sophisticated as a James Bond secret weapon job. In a sudden confrontation with the enemy you could always bash them over the head with it.

Or even poke the evil doer in the eye with one of the pointy bits. As I am not an expert on weaponry (despite faithfully watching the expert on medieval bashing up on UuTube, I was thrilled to receive an old favourite, the wind up torch.

This can be of great comfort when the power lines go down in a hurricane or other problem causing an unexpected blackout.

The trouble with it is its irresistible attraction to small children. My lovely dumbbellshaped, red plastic, wind up torch was used extensively for peering up toy animal noses, checking dolls’ eyes for concussion after they had been dropped on the head and examining the internal organs of wind-up machines.

I would give it to the junior squad of the household except I haven’t been able to find it since three hurricanes ago.

I received several useful gifts without which I don’t understand how life could have carried on. This made up for the discovery that the developed world seems to have run out of emery boards.

These little sticks shaped paddle pop holding things normally have sandpaper sides that are used to file down your fingernails.

Look, its not an earthshattering loss to humanity, but it’s a damn nuisance for those of us with pretensions to the being the wellgroomed woman of the urban (as we consistently although not really correctly say).

Another seriously practical and useful birthday gift was a cord with loops on each end to which you can attach your spectacles.

Now I can wrench them off my head when I want to peer at something closely, such as read or use the computer, and avoid having to spend the next half hour groping around tabletops and shelves trying to find them again.

The trick now is to remember my glasses are attached to my person and don’t spend half a day groping around looking for them.

Amongst the best birthday gifts of all were the wonderful pictures and video clips of the nearest and dearest tunefully wishing their Mausi (aunt) Cuddles, and Auwwa (me) Happy Birthday.

All I can say is that we did our best over the whole week it takes for us to celebrate. We were helped enormously by the dear friends who came to help us celebrate.

Some came from afar and were obliged to stay with us. Actually for longer than originally planned, but that wasn’t our fault.

It was like this: these friends secretly came to buy a ring and get engaged to marry. Our birthday week was a good excuse to go to Sydney and were very welcome to stay.

There was delighted celebrating to the point at which Cuddles said that was all very well. But what about her birthday? “Oh dear, I forgot that,” said the new fiancée.

I don’t imagine the birthday girl will. At least it will be a way for the happily engaged young couple to remember in future.

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