Bula Sport fans! Robbie Deans has got to be the best thing to come out of New Zealand since the good old kiwi fruit!
I know it's still early days and this is a big call to make just a couple of rounds into the Tri-Nations Season 2008, but I'll make it anyway: Y'all better get used to seeing Dingo Deans' Wallabies winning more (if not all) rugby internationals in the year ahead and in doing so, changing the order of World Rugby.
I must confess though that I only saw the last nine minutes of the game live thanks to my Tongan bride!
There I was on Saturday evening, all set up in the lounge at home within arms reach of the remote control, a perfectly chilled glass of Coca-Cola, a couple of my favourite Arnott's ginger nut biscuits and "Advance Australia Fair" on the tip of my tounge when all hell broke loose with my Tongan bride letting out an almighty scream!
I charged into the bedroom where she was reclining and with hand on heart she breathlessly proclaimed that she felt her heart flutter.
While memories of our wedding night flashed across my nimble mind at the speed of light as being the time I felt her heart flutter, I quickly refocussed, snapped into crisis management mode and asked whether it wasn't just flatulence!
Actually I didn't, but I should have as I know from past personal experience that wind in one's system can cause all sorts of pains and problems easily misdiagnosed and one good . . . well one good fart, will clear the air.
So there we were, eyes locked across the room as "God Defend New Zealand" drifted in from the telly in the lounge.
I had to do something the right thing, so I suggested; no I demanded, that she get up right away and we go into Suva Private Hospital.
We stepped out the front door as the All Blacks slipped into the haka.
Tears welled up in my eyes: I had been building up all day for this game this was the Mother of all Tests since the 2007 Rugby World Cup.
This was more than just the Wallabies versus the All Blacks. This was more than Tri-Nations and Bledisloe Cup.
This was Deans versus Henry: The student versus the head teacher.
Plus there were so many other match-ups right across the park: McCaw versus Smith, Palu versus Luaki, Carter versus Giteau, Barnes versus Nonu, Tuqiri versus everyone else!
Then I remembered the TV screen hanging from the ceiling in the reception area at the Amy Street Medical Centre in Suva Private Hospital; I flicked on the hazard lights and sped through the night this was an emergency after all, my Tongan bride had felt her heart flutter!
We made it safely in record time, but my heart sank when I saw the security guards slumped in their chairs outside the front door.
This didn't look good.
Sure enough my instincts were spot on, the TV was off and it wasn't hooked up to Sky anyway.
There were four other patients ahead of us; I diagnosed them all within a couple of minutes thinking to myself, "How hard is this"?
There was a five-year-old boy with a wretched cough give him cough mixture, children's Panadol to help him sleep and rub Vicks into the sole of his feet - done.
There was a slightly older little girl with a big tummy ache - shake the gas out of a bottle of Sprite and give this to her.
A tablespoonful of good old Milk of Magnesia would soon clean out her tummy.
The Chinese lady with an injured leg looked like a farmer's wife so she'd be as tough as teak. Simply clean and dress her wound with Bactroban and send her on her way.
Then there was the young girl with her boyfriend who looked like she was just "love sick"! Wow, so simple; get him to give her a lot more attention man, she was good looking too.
Surely, they could all be treated within say the next five minutes and I could catch the 2nd quarter of the game back home.
Then came the text I had been waiting for, an update on the game from my son, the Wallabies had just scored and were ahead 17 - 5.
Awesome, I smiled at the Chinese farmer who looked very tired after a long day selling vegetables at Suva Market.
He smiled back.
It must have been thirty minutes later, just before halftime when the All Blacks scored and pegged it back to 17 - 12, that my Tongan bride was called in.
I gently ushered her in to see Doctor Josephine, but stayed out to concentrate on the text updates.
Besides, I've learned over the years that sometimes it's easier for women to talk about women's things without their husbands hanging around.
Early into the 2nd half word came through that my Tongan bride was pregnant!
What? I jolted upright, sweat beads on my hairline.
What? Pregnant? Again? How? Impossible.
My "ER" instincts, honed by years of watching Shortland Street, kicked in and I checked out the treatment room where my Tongan bride was having a test was this the pregnancy test?
Her eyes were shut.
Her stomach did look big, but then again she had red pork for dinner and well her stomach was always "swell".
Then my son's latest text revealed the All Blacks were now in front, for the first time in the game, 19 - 17.
My heart sunk, my blood pressure plunged, I regained my seat, head spinning.
I lost all track of time until my Tongan bride and her good doctor emerged smiling; her blood pressure and ECG test result were perfect!
She had a heart of gold and no she wasn't pregnant! Well I had to ask. Then my son called, screaming down the line that the Wallabies were back in front!
I drove home a relieved fan.
