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Value yourself

Kelera Kotobalavu
Sunday, March 31, 2013

"The major value in life is not what you get. The major value in life is what you become." Jim Rohn

IT was a clear spring evening in November of 2006 when I attended a business convention in Sydney where the keynote speaker was Jim Rohn. My mentor at the time suggested I go along to hear someone she described as, "an incredible man."

Jim was in his mid-70's at the time, known as America's foremost business philosopher, wealthy by fulfilling his purpose and presenting seminars around the world for 40 years until his death 4 years ago and mentored a long line of 'change makers' already putting a 'dent' in the world, the likes of Brian Tracy, Tony Robbins, Jack Canfield of the 'Chicken Soup for the Soul' series of books, to name a few.

At the time, I was at the pinnacle of my career.

Humbled and grateful for having reached my career goal in my adoptive country, I felt it was time for a much greater challenge.

I became inquisitive about these two words, 'full potential'. I wanted to explore it. I had a burning desire to discover why some people have extraordinary results in life and are making or have made a profound difference in the world while most get ordinary results and make no or very little impact.

My discovery was going to be universal and would bring more clarity to failure and success. I was looking for a 'formula'.

Then Jim uttered these very familiar words, "Love your neighbour as yourself." I was puzzled at first. I had not heard anyone share the scriptures in a secular meeting, let alone in Sydney (or Australia as a whole) where the subject of politics or religion is not usually spoken of in public.

There were about 700 business people in the crowd. I sat up and paid more attention as I scribbled on a note pad every word he spoke.

"This man is speaking my language, I had better pay close attention," I said to myself.

I soon figured out he was sharing biblical principles on wealth creation and business in a secular environment. Everyone was glued to what he was saying. He was speaking in plain simple terms and had great presence, grace and charisma. I also found out he was a pastor's son.

Then suddenly something lit up inside me. I had an 'a-ha' moment. Something became clearer.

For so many years I had heard and read the "Love your neighbour…" part of that verse. I didn't really hear or wasn't even aware of the "…as yourself" part. This latter part is crucial and a main ingredient towards living an extraordinary and inspired life.

The more I listened, the more lessons I was learning and the more I became convinced I needed to change certain things in my life and implement new positive behaviour or disciplines to start experiencing a significant difference in my life.

Right there and then, Jim was sharing part of the 'formula' and self-love (not selfish love) is part of it.

After so many years, I finally understood the true meaning of that verse; we cannot love others unless we first have a more loving and deeper connection with ourselves. We cannot value others unless we first value ourselves. We don't see others as they are, we see others as we are.

If you have this sort of negative and damaging self-talk, "I don't deserve anything good in life," you will see others around you not deserving of happiness too and the words you use when speaking to or thinking of them will reflect that negative belief you have of yourself.

Instead, you can change your self-talk to something that is more nourishing for your soul and increases your self-esteem, for example, "I love and accept myself unconditionally." Only when we have self-love and understand and believe that we are priceless in value will we allow true love to flow from us through to others with no strings attached, giving ourselves permission to attract greater opportunities into our lives.

Why is self-love and valuing yourself important in living an extraordinary life?

If you believe and live your life knowing you deserve all good things, you can overcome some of the negative beliefs you may have about yourself you may not be aware you had in the first place that is causing you to self-sabotage your future. When you become aware of this and pay more attention to your well-being first, not last, you start to increase your self-esteem, confidence, self-worth, etc. and can experience outstanding results in all areas of your life - personal, spiritual, social, financial, business, health, relationships and work performance.

Two ways you can apply this principle;

· Give yourself permission to receive. If you find it uncomfortable receiving compliments or gifts from others, you are not only denying yourself the opportunity to feel appreciated and valued, you are also denying the giver the opportunity to feel good about themselves. This is a lose-lose situation. If you learn to receive the gift or compliment with a gracious heart knowing someone values you, the giver will feel good too, a win-win for all.

· If you have a business and you're charging a price "so people can afford it" or because "Bill down the road charges the same," you are setting yourself up for long-term grief. You are not valuing you or the service you provide, but allowing forces outside of you, in this case others, to run your life and business. Be aware of your value and charge accordingly.

I will be discussing the above in more depth in the workshops in Fiji next month.

Attending Jim Rohn's seminar has helped open doors to greater opportunities and I am grateful to share that with you today so you too can start to get yourself on the right track.

nKelera Kotobalavu is a Life Coach in

Sydney.