SOMETIMES it might seem like everyone in school is talking about whos a virgin, who isnt, and who might be. For both girls and guys, the pressure sometimes can be intense.
But deciding whether its right for you to have sex is one of the most important decisions youll ever have to make. Each person must use his or her own judgment and decide if its the right time - and the right person.
This means considering some very important factors - both physical ones, like the possibility of becoming pregnant or getting a sexually transmitted disease (STD) - and emotional factors, too. Though a persons body may feel ready for sex, sex also has very serious emotional consequences.
For many teens, moral factors are very important as well. Family attitudes, personal values, or religious beliefs provide them with an inner voice that guides them in resisting pressures to get sexually involved before the time is right.
Peer Pressure Problems and Movie Madness
Nobody wants to feel left out of things - its natural to want to be liked and feel as if youre part of a group of friends. Unfortunately, some teens feel that they have to lose their virginity to keep up with their friends or to be accepted.
It doesnt sound like its all that complicated; maybe most of your friends have already had sex with their boyfriends or girlfriends and act like it isnt a big deal. But sex isnt something thats only physical; its emotional, too. And because everyones emotions are different, its hard to rely on your friends opinions to decide if its the right time for you to have sex.
What matters to you is the most important thing, and your values may not match those of your friends. Thats OK - its what makes people unique. Having sex to impress someone or to make your friends happy or feel like you have something in common with them wont make you feel very good about yourself in the long run. True friends dont really care whether a person is a virgin - they will respect your decisions, no matter what.
Even if your friends are cool with your decision, its easy to be misled by TV shows and movies into thinking that every teen in America is having sex. Writers and producers may make a show or movie plot exciting by showing teens being sexually active, but these teens are actors, not real people with real concerns. They dont have to worry about being ready for sex, how they will feel later on, or what might happen as a result. In other words, these TV and movie plots are stories, not real life. In real life, every teen can, and should, make his or her own decision.
Boyfriend Blues or Girlfriend Gripes
Although some teens who are going out dont pressure each other about sex, the truth is that in many relationships, one person wants to have sex although the other one doesnt.
Again, what matters most differs from person to person. Maybe one person in a relationship is more curious and has stronger sexual feelings than the other. Or another person has religious reasons why he or she doesnt want to have sex and the other person doesnt share those beliefs.
Whatever the situation, it can place stress and strain on a relationship - you want to keep your boyfriend or girlfriend happy, but you dont want to compromise what you think is right.
As with almost every other major decision in life, you need to do what is right for you and not anyone else. If you think sex is a good idea because a boyfriend or girlfriend wants to begin a sexual relationship, think again.
Anyone who tries to pressure you into having sex by saying, if you truly cared, you wouldnt say no, or if you loved me, youd show it by having sex isnt really looking out for you and what matters most to you. Theyre looking to satisfy their own feelings and urges about sex.
If someone says that not having sex after doing other kinds of fooling around will cause him or her physical pain, thats also a sign that that person is thinking only of himself or herself. If you feel that you should have sex because youre afraid of losing that person, it may be a good time to end the relationship.
Sex should be an expression of love - not something a person feels that he or she must do. If a boyfriend or girlfriend truly loves you, he or she wont push or pressure you to do something you dont believe in or arent ready for yet.
Reviewed by: DArcy Lyness, PhD